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Ragazzi oggi ? la nostra giornata....... 
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è un pò come il gay pride?Comment
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si, molto simile.....
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Advice to employees on the proper use of the System Administrator's valuable time
(In following examples, we will substitute the name "Ted" as the System Administrator)
* Make sure to save all your MP3 files on your network drive. No sense in wasting valuable space on your local drive! Plus, Ted loves browsing through 100+ GB of music files while he backs up the servers.
* Play with all the wires you can find. If you can't find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Ted. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Ted just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for.
* Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Ted likes to guess what the error message was.
* When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy" and "Big Connector."
* If you get an EXE file in an email attachment, open it immediately. Ted likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly.
* When Ted says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for him to remember your password.
* When you call Ted to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Ted doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours.
* When Ted sends you an email marked as "Highly Important" or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably just testing some new-fangled email software.
* When Ted's eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right in, grab a few of his fries, then spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Ted lives to serve, and he's always ready to think about fixing computers, especially yours.
* When Ted's at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't have email or a telephone.
* Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
* When the photocopier doesn't work, call Ted. There's electronics in it, so it should be right up his alley.
* When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer, call Ted. He enjoys fixing telephone problems from remote locations. Especially on weekends.
* When something goes wrong with your home PC, dump it on Ted's chair the next morning with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. Ted just loves a good mystery.
* When you have Ted on the phone walking you through changing a setting on your PC, read the newspaper. Ted doesn't actually mean for you to DO anything. He just loves to hear himself talk.
* When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother to sign up. Ted will be there to hold your hand when the time comes.
* When the printer won't print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick.
* When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
* Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
* Don't read the operator's manual. Manuals are for wussies.
* If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Ted will be grateful for the overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them.
* When Ted's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's slightly dizzy from hunger.
* When Ted asks you whether you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's no one else's business what you've got on your computer.
* If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the monitor and stuff the cable under it. Those skinny Mouse cables were designed to have 55 lbs. of computer monitor crushing them.
* If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame Ted for not upgrading it sooner. Hell, it's not your fault there's a half pound of pizza crust crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Mountain Dew under the keys.
* When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click the "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
* Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that boneheaded computer crap." It never bothers Ted to hear his area of professional expertise referred to as boneheaded crap.
* Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else should sneak a one-page job in between your 500-page Word document.
* When you send that 500-page document to the printer, don't bother to check if the printer has enough paper. That's Ted's job.
* When Ted calls you 30 minutes later and tells you that the printer printed 24 pages of your 500-page document before it ran out of paper, and there are now nine other jobs in the queue behind yours, ask him why he didn't bother to add more paper.
* When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. Ted's provided plenty of disk space and processor capacity on the new mail server for just those kinds of important things.
* When you bump into Ted in the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon, ask him computer questions. He works 24/7, and is always thinking about computers, even when he's at super-market buying toilet paper and doggie treats.
* If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. Ted will be there for you when your son's illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes the Access database keel over and die.
* When you bring Ted your own "no-name" brand PC to repair for free at the office, tell him how urgently he needs to fix it so you can get back to playing EverQuest. He'll get on it right away, because everyone knows he doesn't do anything all day except surf the Internet.
* Don't ever thank Ted. He loves fixing everything AND getting paid for it!Comment
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Why You Can't Find Your System Administrator
# They are hiding under the stairs
# They are on holiday for the first time in 5 years
# They are in the cellars conducting the rituals to keep the machines running
# They are in hospital suffering from an overdose of caffeine
# Taken away by the police after killing the last user who asked a stupid question
# "You *have* a system administrator ?"
# Walked past the table they were gibbering under
# The SysAdmin has built a maze with the door to their office at the center
# You *are* the system administrator
# Missed seeing the system administrator asleep under their desk
# The admin is chained to their desk in a dungeon only the CEO has the key for.
# Having to explain to the management why they need an asistant.
# The admin is suffering so bad from sleep deprivation that they may as well not be there for all the sense you can make of the words they are saying.
# You are afraid that the admin will use you as a punch bag so you are searching for them, but desperately pray that you don't find them.
# The admin came to work disguised as a tea boy to avoid talking to users
# The admin electroculted themselves whilst installing some cabling near the main power cable. Since the admin's body is the only thing keeping the power flowing, the management boarded up the body and pretended they still had a system administrator.
# Stuck in a lift shaft pulling network cable to another floor
# Getting Jolt out of their under-floor cache
# Hiding on the roof
-- Simon Burr simes@tcp.co.uk
# (S)he's looking up the BOFH excuse of the day.
# (S)he's out buying some caffeine.
# (S)he's busy installing xfishtank on the main fileserver.
-- Mark D. Roth roth@uiuc.edu
# (S)he's out buying refills for the Nerf(TM) crossbow.
# (S)he's locked in the computer room playing Deathmatch.
-- Dennis J. Preston Jr dpresto@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com
# Booted to DOS and is playing doom across the network.
# Went to Stop&Go to get ANOTHER case of insert favorite caffinated beverage here
# Went to the room with padded walls that nobody dares open when the door's closed.
# Managed to find time to sleep for an hour or two.
# Just found out he had a two month old child, and is getting re-aquainted with his SO (and the new child)
# is playing netrek.
# Is in the hospital after being severly injured by a falling soda can mountain.
-- William S. Duncanson caesar@earth.ops.neosoft.com
# Is closeted with boss trying to explain why (s)he uploaded a user to seven.rings.of.hell.com
# (s)he's at the hopital having his/her fingers splinted after typing 100 times NO you cannot use your old address after our domain name changes. Please go read the announcements that we have been posting for the last three months.
-- Marge Robbins mrobbins@netins.net
# (S)he's catching twenty winks under the floorboards, tread gingerly.
# (S)he's watching the building electrician trip a circuit breaker that will reduce the company 'frame to rainbow colored slag,
# (S)he's out by the turnpike waiting for a case of Jolt to bounce out of the truck after it hits the speed bump.
# Is out back beating a luser into corn mash who asked "When will the system be back up" one time too many.
# Finished a double shift and is out back wondering what that big burning ball in the sky is.
# Is busy packing up to go to a site that has contemporary hardware
# Is engaged in a staring contest with a pack of evil dogs
# Is on the phone trying to talk his wife out of buying a house without ISDN
-- The Unknown SysAdmin The8thMan@aol.com
# (S)he's sitting under the desk, hysterical at what the (l)user just asked.
# (S)he's at the pub, it's all *too* much.
- Andrea Gibney a.gibney@mailbox.uq.oz.au
# (S)he's standing behind you, holding an axe.
# (S)he resigned in disgust five minutes ago.
# (S)he's in a meeting with the boss to discuss poor user response times.
-- Ade Rixon ajr@rheidol.elsevier.co.uk
# Just look up at the ceiling (Think 'Aliens')
-- Grant Denkinson Grant.Denkinson@nottingham.ac.uk
# (s)he can't be reached via phone or e-mail becuase (s)he is too busy on usenet telling everybody how busy (s)he is or thinking up 101 reasons why (s)he can't be found.
-- D. Allen Bassham abassham@svm.com
# (s)he is hiding under a table so that (s)he will not be the one sitting for hours watching Ultrix reinstall from a single-speed CDROM because the users who inexplicably have root access have destroyed the filesystem *again* during a misguided attempt to "improve" /etc/rc by repartitioning the disk at boot time "so that it doesn't forget".
-- Matt Bandy m-bandy@uiuc.edu
# (S)he's in the bathroom... masterbating
-- dbryant@netcom.com
# We have a 'secure room' here - bloody great lock on it. I hide in there
-- Rob Wheeler rob@pypers.demon.co.uk
# The Grey Wall(tm) has fallen on them and no one has noticed their absence. [clunk,clunk,help!,anyone?]
# They've gone to find some more coffee. Sysadmin has left the building!
-- Matt Haswell ccdmlh@zippy.dct.ac.uk
# they've snapped, started muttering about "this damned post office", and left for the nearest gun store
# they're out on an interview
# they're seeing a therapist who doesn't have any computers in their office, a non-threatening place.
# they've gone to a computer museum to beg for parts for the PDP-10s running the place (ala Compuserve).
# they're out looking for an ad in any media where DEC mentions OpenVMS
# they're planning where to be on 01/01/2000, when all of the MVS systems, and some older minis in mission-critical applications like process control turn to crap. They may be shopping for a bomb shelter if SAC's launch control systems only have a two-digit year.
# they're at a travel agent's, booking a vacation to friendlier place, like Iraq.
# they're out fomenting rumors that the Windows 95 cd-roms have the Church of Scientology's copyrighted teachings hidden on the disk.
# They're meeting with Guido, to put out a contract on the parties that started the open systems myth.
# They've gone to Oklahoma City, to enroll in the FAA's Air Traffic Controller training program, to start a less-stressful career.
# They're seeing a commodities broker, to arrange direct deposit of their paychecks into buying coffee bean futures.
-- Gerald (Jerry) R. Leslie jleslie@dmccorp.com
# /pub/lunch
-- Gary "Wolf" Barnes gkb@aber.ac.uk
# look better. He/She is probably in the basement somewhere behind the modem racks.
# _finally_ took a day off.
# It's 9 AM. He/she is not working that late.
# Vendor demonstration
# Convinience store across the street opened
# Pizza delivery is at the front door
# Sleeping under the floor tiles
# On some floor, in some wiring closet, trying to fix things
# In the dumpster behind the building trying to get rid of some frustration by using a sledgehammer on the Macs.
-- Koos van den Hout koos@kzdoos.xs4all.nl
# Because the trauma induced by repeated attempts to install Solaris 2.5 pre-beta on an Intel system has forced him to seek psychotherapy.
# Still trying to come down from inhaling too much tape head cleaner.
-- Nick Cuccia cuccia@talamasca.com
# out chasing the rodents off of the twisted pair/power lines
# gone home to sleep (1st time in x days)
# been convicted of computer crimes (vague reference to randal schwartz)
# what was you're username?
-- Tim Bandy bandy@cs.umn.edu
# Emptying the bit buckets.
-- Michael Shields shields@tembel.org
# They finally caught him/her for that -big site-masacre (s)he thought (s)he'd gotten away with.
-- Carlo Cozzi cozzi@otb.tudelft.nl
# ObReason n+x: Your system administrator is walking in circles outside saying "TUESDAY? They want it by TUESDAY? TUESDAY?"
-- Stephan Zielinski szielins@us.oracle.com
# rcp $FAV_RESTAURANT:$FAV_FOOD /dev/stomach
gurgle gurgle...
-- Shannon Robert Madsen madsen@cs.umn.edu
# Hiding in wiring closet.
# Outside having a smoke because it's illegal in the building.
# On the roof of the building, contemplating jumping.
# On the roof of the building, contemplating which users to throw off.
# On the roof of the building, contemplating traffic.
# On the roof of the building, contemplating.
-- Johan van Zanten johan@habanero.evtech.com
# In his/her manager's office, trying to explain why the manager gets lots of calls from lusers who can't find the sysAdmin.
# (for us part-timers only) In his/her manager's office, trying to explain why the "real" (programming) work doesn't get done. Manager doesn't understand -- when he gave you this job, he said it would only take a couple of hours a week....
# Is in luser's office, trying to explain why "export VAR=xxx" from one xterm window doesn't have any effect on the other windows. "But they're all on the same Xstation -- what's the problem?"
-- Michael Hartwig hartwig@lfs.loral.com
# Sysadmin's down in the administrative offices fixing one of their DOS boxes.
-- Al Castanoli afcasta@texas.net
# He's out getting a caffine fix.
-- John Wanger jwagner@mental.mitre.org
# There's more caffeine than blood in his veins, and he was last seen hopping down the hall pretending he was a pogo stick.
-- J.D. Falk jdfalk@cybernothing.org
Well the sysadmin is too busy
# 1) playing with the web
# 2) reading news
# 3) sleeping
# 4) reading other peoples email (not that I do this...)
# 5) installing the latest Xgame on the main fileserver... (this is real cool)
-- Michael Miller mmiller@mars.cs.unp.ac.za
# S/He is playing DOOM, to release pent-up tension created by lusers.
# S/He is down to the 7-11 down the street, to buy extra strong coffee and caffeine tabs.
# S/He is currently full asleep over Her/his keyboard.
-- Ingvar Mattsson ingvar@cat.rydnet.lysator.liu.se
# has slashed her/his wrists on the Answerbook(tm) or Univers CD.
# recovering from the paper cuts after printing out large chunks of aforementioned CDs
# has gone to visit a luser in a department with a snazzy new SS20, but no clue [as what to do with it]
# has gone to visit (the same luser) to explain in words of one syllable why NetBEUI is a BAD THING to run over the campus network
# is pulling a blue snake out of a IBM 3850 (?) DASD in the machine room to give to the CS museum.
# in a meeting
# trying to *avoid* being in a meeting
# is talking to his manager
# has worked so much overtime he is now owed 6 months contiguous, paid leave.
--Russell Street russells@ccu1.auckland.ac.nz
# Busy threatening a user that was complaining about the machine being down for the back-up.
# Hiding in another office where he can work without getting interrupted.
# Wandering around the halls looking for his/her lost sanity.
# Out at Starbuck's for the X time today getting a grande cafe mocha with an espresso chaser.
# Showing the boss, for the X time, how to turn the laptop upsidedown and shake it to get it to reboot (ala Dilbert and the Etch-A-Sketch cartoon). :-)
# Busy sitting in the middle of a pentagram with black candles putting a curse on the air-head executive that started circulating the warnings about the "e-mail virus".
# Busy installing a new clutch to better shift paradigms with. (ala Dilbert)
--Michael Faurot mfaurot@phzzzt.atww.org
# (S)he's off running round the building trying to find who has addopted the servers IP address.
# (S)he's off round the building trying to find who has tured off which router, or have they just unplugged our link to the outside world.
--Ian (God they both happened in one week) Dobbie ian@muscle.kcl.ac.uk
# they're busy rerouting their support telephone to the luser of the day
# they're busy updating their BOFH excuse server
# they're busy testing new ideas for the BOFH Of The Year Award.
--Sean B Purdy sean@fastnet.co.uk
# Performing minor surgery on an ailing DAT drive using only a cow orker's dissection kit (this is a Pharmacy department) after the verdammt cleaning tape decided to remove half the drive's mechanism when it ejected. (This actually *worked*. Boy, was I surprised.)
--Chris Richardson foop@sg2.pcy.kcl.ac.uk
# has been replaced by a comupter.
--Lars Syrstad ljs@voldsboks.pvv.unit.no
# Busy fending off the person who isn't your boss but yet (s)he feels (s)he is and this person rants the loudest so he/she ends up getting what he/she wants done.
--Jeff Ballard ballard@cae.wisc.edu
# Changing the batteries in the UPS
--Rebekah Oberin oberin@latcs1.lat.oz.au
# Have you checked under the desk/crawlspace?
--Aaron Sommer aaron_sommer@herringn.com
# they have found the exit.
(it's like a maze, with little lusers all alike)
# they have been fired; no longer needed with windoze 95.
--Mike Wessling mikew@xs4all.nl
# (S)he's dead,
# (S)he's dead tired,
# (S)he's joined a cult practising Windoze 95,
# (S)he's at the CA meeting (Caffeeine Anonymous),
# (S)he's on the top of the buildingggggggggggg.....................thud!
--Stuart Owen rbebb@dbrw.win-uk.net
# (S)he has phobia toward your name.
--Ivy Kuang-Ying Shih~{J/9bS(~} ivy@ic.EECS.berkeley.edu
# Someone just mentioned "Windows" and "95" in rapid succession...
--John Vaughan john@tcp.co.uk
# He was arrested cause the police thought he was a Drug dealer when they saw the three pagers on his belt..
--Pete Shipley shipley@dis.org
# They're actully in their office, but buried under the mound of paper, manuals and spare parts that just avalanced off their desk..
# The Cray's Chiller decided to go on vacation, and (S)he got stuck to one of the vents on the Y-MP after switching to air-cooled mode.
--Jeff Wolfe wolfe@ems.psu.eduComment
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anche tu sei uno di loro?Originally posted by buzzy84 View PostUssignor
sapevo di tanti...ora anche tu...
b?..pi? gnocca per meComment
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